March 18, 2010: I'm glad I came here, with your pound of flesh.

I've been finding that I was completely honest and forthcoming in acknowledging my own lack of dedication to posting. I can only blame myself, because although I often had the opportunity to write I had lost the drive to do so. Even now, I find myself struggling to write just the last few sentences. It isn't writers block, it's subject block. I could write forever but I have no clue where to begin.

I guess I'll start here. This last year I've really wanted to embark on a journey into the modeling world. I have no qualms about baring all, and although I attempt to display a nonchalance about the idea I'm terribly excited. I received a phone call this afternoon from this jerk-off I know, who tried to set me up with an audition for a bikini modeling thing. Over the summer, I would have jumped at the chance. Now, after having my bathing suit become puppy food and my lack of drive in working out I doubt I could have made this happen anyway. But I'm still a closet optimist. I still wonder if MAYBE this could have been the break I needed. Maybe, this could have been what skyrocketed me into the modeling world. I'm not really into this for the artistic value, but entirely for the monetary gain. I've always been camera shy, I always felt that I never looked just right. I happen to be very self-conscious about my hair, as I have the thick kinky Polynesian hair that typically plagues us island folk. But as I get older, and learn to take care of my hair better, I become more and more interested in the modeling world. In a way to utilize myself more efficiently. Not just use my mind to make money, but my physical being. Up until recently I've always been my own photographer. I know how I like my body, what proportions I find pleasing. But I'm not so sure that I'm willing to allow someone else that particular pleasure. Of being the artist. However, I think this is a necessary evil and as such I will attempt to allow it. I've made contact with a photographer this morning and am expecting a call soon. Hopefully, this will be genius and the opportunity I was looking for.

Love, Polly.