September 27, 2010: Man, that guy's penis must be THIIIIIIIIS BIG!

I'll start with admitting that I'm part of that population of very tiny people that wants to drive an obscenely large truck to compensate for the lack of space I take up in the world. I only consider such a scenario with fuel efficiency, environmental footprint, and damages / deaths resulting from my bad driving aside. That note made, I'm going to be a hypocrite and make fun of everyone else with that mentality that has already done so because they have taken the next step (or steps as that may be) and actually bought the ridiculous truck for overcompensation.

You know we were already laughing at you, right short stuff? As much as I want to say that I don't laugh at men that are shorter than me, I can't. I'm exactly sixty inches tall, which translates into five feet. Not only do I laugh, I find you slightly creepy in the way that most of us find people with "pony-play" fetishes. I don't want to be your friend usually, because small men don't give me the impression that they are valuable for any reason except humor. That sucks, but it is what it is. When shorty goes off and buys an F450 to tow his child sized pit-bike and tries to justify that he needs that big of a truck when I could fit the bike into the back of a Ford Escort, I laugh in his face. And I laugh hard. I see you compensating for your height and trying to prove to me that you worth the trouble for reproductive means, but I don't want your midget babies.

I recognize that anthropologically men are biologically coded to try and prove their worthiness as
sperm donors (for lack of a better base term). I know that we are animals, and that our only true objective as far as the laws of nature go, is to reproduce. And I know that deep inside you feel threatened that your penis may not be big enough or that you may not biologically be what we are looking for. But you know what, buying a truck doesn't make your pee-pee bigger. It makes you look like an ass, and when you look like an ass, women don't want to talk your pee-pee or anything else.

For those of you that have large trucks but bought them for true functionality (towing cars, horses, large things of that nature) than ignore this post. I am totally willing to accept true functionality, but if you bought the biggest truck you could find for no other reason than to show off and maybe get some, (even if you won't consciously admit it), it's not working. Women across the world are still laughing at you, not with you.
Love, Polly.